Category Archives: The Back Channel

Acrobats on the Train

This evening, on the way home from a long day, two young kids did an acrobatic show, in the middle of the crowded subway train, six inches from my body.  The were doing flips, throwing each other into the air, and I just sat there, reading my book, trying to ignore them.  The more impressive [...]

Old Pictures and Scotch

I have a special bottle of scotch I drink whenever I go visit my parents.  I hate scotch.  But when I’m home, I need it.
It’s because my parents’ house has turned into a shrine to how ugly I once was.
There is my senior year of high school class picture.  I was growing my hair long, [...]

Christmas, 1990

Christmas in my house was always an exercise in overcompensation.  My parents were both middle children and felt slighted their whole lives so they spent way too much money making sure their kids never felt that way at Christmas.
There were three types of gifts in the Nelson household:
1. Gifts from family and friends.  They went [...]

Naked Korean Day Spas

A friend of mine turned 30 years old last week and wanted to have her birthday party at a Korean spa.
I have never considered a spa to be on option for someone like myself.   I figured I would just come up with some reason not to go…anything would do…but almost all our other friends had [...]

!!! or ???

!!!= Love
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Colbert Christmas Special- Stephen Colbert+Willie Nelson=Answer to all Life’s problems.

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Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State. I bet the last thing Ms. Clinton thought she would be taking is a job with Secretary in the title.
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Clemson Tigers hire interim coach Dabo Sweeny- #1, as a Virginia Tech fan, thank you for not making [...]

Random Thoughts

I think it’s pretty ironic that the only place I’ve ever read Reader’s Digest is on the toilet.  “Do you need to shit?  Do you like to read?  Than do we have some pointless stories for you.”
I was eating at a Hardee’s in a small town near the Maryland, Virginia border.  This older African American [...]

“Don’t Forget To Vote” Text Messages

Someone sent me a text yesterday afternoon. “Don’t forget to vote” - the message read. As I looked at the message I filled with rage. I imagined this person sending the message and getting filled up with all these positive feelings. “Everyone’s now going to know what a politically minded person [...]

It Was All a Dream…

If you went back ten years, to 1998, and explained the past eight years, no one would believe it.  It would sound like one of those insane dreams you try and recount to your friends the next day:
Oh man, I had the weirdest dream.  George Bush’s son became president.  Yeah, the guy who used to [...]

Going to Church part 1

Weekends used to end early when I was a kid. Sunday mornings, mom would come down the stairs open my door and say the most dreaded phrase eve: “Time to go to church.” That meant the weekend was officially over. There were those rare mornings when she would let us [...]

6 Am Flights

I recently took a six am flight to North Carolina, and a six am flight back to New York.  I enjoy flying at six am.  No lines, no delays.  The only problem is after I tell my wife about the six am flight she refuses to have sex with me.   Women on six am flights [...]

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